December 26th

Today would have been my daddy's 61st birthday.  My daddy passed away August 4th 2005.  Sometimes it feels like just a dream and I find myself almost picking up the phone to give him a call.  The visions of my daddy before he passed are fading which is a good thing.  He only weighed about 60 pounds, was completely jaundice, and blind.  My mother was by his side almost every moment in the weeks before he passed.  I was almost in denial.  I thought "He always pulls through" or "He will outlive us all" but I was wrong.  I only saw him one time before he passed.  I went up there and told him that it was okay to let go.  Two days later, he did.  Mom said that before he passed, he took a big, deep breath and smiled from ear to ear.  When mom called me, I took off up to her house.  The ambulance had already taken him.  It was a very weird feeling at my mom's house.  It still is at times.  

My memories of my daddy are beginning to be those of before he was so sick.  You know, they funny memories.  Like the time we had a bon fire on his birthday.  It was very cold and he had some of his drinking buddies over.  Daddy was very very drunk.  He fell down and one of the labs started to have his way with daddy.  Yes, the dog was humping him.  Andy and I were laughing so hard that tears were running down our faces.  Everyone was laughing so hard that no one was able to get up and help him.  Jake just had to "finish" with daddy.  Those memories are ones that keep me from crying during the holidays!

Of course, I have regrets.  I think anyone does that has lost a family member.  I wish that I spent more time with him.  I wish that I had called him just one more time.  I wish that he had held Madison more often.  I wish that I hadn't been so judgemental about his drinking and working because who am I to judge.

I love my daddy.  I wish that he could see and appreciate how cool Madison is.  

Call your daddy's and tell them you love them.  You never know when there won't be another chance!